|
Post by Piccolo on Jan 28, 2012 0:44:41 GMT -5
You know, I have a fair number of friends who I find attractive, but I can't sleep with for one reason or another.
Somehow, this is not the great tragedy for me that the friendzone seems to constitute for others here. Do I just not expect that I'm entitled to sex from whoever I find attractive? Am I just more capable of enjoying the aesthetics and company of a pretty, entertaining man without needing to take it any farther than friendship and conversation?
Either way, I enjoy the heck out of these relationships. My friends are made up of people I am and am not attracted to, people I have and have not hooked up with, people I would or would never hook up with, people who are attached or single or asexual. All of them are terrific in their own ways, and it doesn't make me die inside that I'm not sleeping with the ones I find attractive. I just keep looking for a guy who has the great personal qualities I choose in my friends, the intangible spark of attraction, mutual interest, and current availability. That's not going to be every guy. And guys, that's not gonna be every gal. That's life, and it's not tragic, it's just rich and varied and complex.
Try to enjoy your friendships without hating them for not being sexual relationships. Not every person is the right person, and not every attraction or flirtation needs to be, or should be, consummated with sex.
|
|
|
Post by The Booty Disciple on Jan 28, 2012 2:04:28 GMT -5
I think on of Azteca's points is extremely pertinent...
The label "Friend Zone" is being applied because it's perceived as negative. This immediately presumes that there isn't legitimate friendship there. Misleading actions, intentions, lack of honesty and boundaries, etc...sure. But not friendship, or at the very least, a one-sided and misguided friendship.
Insofar as which is worse...well, if'n a person continues to lie to themselves and the object of their affections, then I think that is far more hurtful to both parties than a open, honest, clear, and most importantly, concise establishment of boundaries regarding the relationship.
If you have to use such a silly label, then, as I stated before, one should probably look at themselves and make a judgement call on their own motivations and what sort of respect and grace they're (not) extending to the other party.
|
|
|
Post by "I'm Batman..." on Jan 28, 2012 4:49:21 GMT -5
Why do women think men just want to have sex with them?
They're either way too into themselves or have low self-esteem. Is that the only thing they think they have to offer?
|
|
|
Post by Piccolo on Jan 28, 2012 9:14:29 GMT -5
Why do women think men just want to have sex with them? They're either way too into themselves or have low self-esteem. Is that the only thing they think they have to offer? Heh. You mean, where do some women get the idea that some men would rather not have a friendship with them at all than go through the cruel and unusual punishment of being pals without sleeping together? *looks up at the thread title* Golly gee, I just can't imagine.
|
|
|
Post by Kash Flagg on Jan 28, 2012 10:50:52 GMT -5
What? You guys don't sleep with all your friends? Prudes.
|
|
|
Post by The Booty Disciple on Jan 28, 2012 11:13:33 GMT -5
Why do women think men just want to have sex with them? They're either way too into themselves or have low self-esteem. Is that the only thing they think they have to offer? I've seen more MEN assuming that sex is a given in this thread than the women assuming that all men want to have sex with them. Regardless, whether it's simply a romantic relationship or sex, if you're applying the term "friend zone" or any variant, you're not being a friend, but rather a manipulative wanker (regardless of the reasons, be it self-esteem, social skills, or just wanting to get a gal in the sheets) and doing a disservice to the other party.
|
|
|
Post by Drink Up Me Cider on Jan 28, 2012 15:14:14 GMT -5
It's a big confluence of events, feelings, experiences and changes that can lead a man/women/trans gender person to end up in the friend zone.
In my experience, people do it to not quite tell you to 'Go get a life you leech!' but to say...'If you ever need me, I might still listen to you try to get back with me'.
A bit of a joke post by me but I've had about 15% success with romantic endeavors in my entire life, so I'm a bit bitter.
|
|
|
Post by Slingshot Suplay on Jan 28, 2012 15:57:51 GMT -5
I haven't been in the friends zone since junior high, and that's when the girls I went to school with liked getting the attention, but wanted nothing to do with you otherwise.
If they don't like you romantically but the friendship is mutual, don't waste your time trying to be anything other than a friend. If you don't want to hear about their insessent drama, then don't be their friend, downgrade them to aquaintence status. Don't let your heart lead you to waste your time, add unneeded stress and lead you into the phantom zone of relationships.
|
|
Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,049
|
Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Jan 28, 2012 20:37:48 GMT -5
I've been friendzoned by many, many girls.
I just stayed friends with them, because I liked them, which is usually about 75% of why I was attracted in the first place.
Various things that people have said hapen DO suck sometimes, like hearing about their sex lives, being told you'd be a great boyfriend, them describing you when talkingg about their ideal guy.
But if they're cool, it gets better and you have great friends. Some of my best friends in the world I've been through this with, I'm lucky they were patient while I was a bit weird.
I'll just add what I was thinking at the time, I never thought I was entitled, that because I was nice I should get something, it was more 'this is how I am, they like me, what the hell is so wrong and hideous about myself that no one's attracted to me?'
|
|