Post by HMARK Center on Dec 19, 2005 23:02:12 GMT -5
Ok, I came across this thread at the ROH boards: www.rohwrestling.com/MessageBoard/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=18974
Basically, the thread is a ripoff of the internet games where they make random "facts" about Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel. For those not in the know, they're typically "facts" that explain how these men have managed to become gods in the sights of mere mortals, and details their abilities to do things such as cause hurricanes, level cities, and impregnate thousands of women with a mere thought.
I just thought the mental images in the Joe thread were funny enough to share; if you don't feel like clicking the link, here's the list the guy does in the first post:
Now, I must insist: if you have your own, about any wrestler, SHARE AWAY.
Basically, the thread is a ripoff of the internet games where they make random "facts" about Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel. For those not in the know, they're typically "facts" that explain how these men have managed to become gods in the sights of mere mortals, and details their abilities to do things such as cause hurricanes, level cities, and impregnate thousands of women with a mere thought.
I just thought the mental images in the Joe thread were funny enough to share; if you don't feel like clicking the link, here's the list the guy does in the first post:
Samoa Joe's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
Samoa Joe does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Samoa Joe is pain.
If you see Samoa Joe, he can see you. If you can't see Samoa Joe, you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Samoa Joe.
A blind man once stepped on Samoa Joe's shoe. Joe replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Samoa Joe, bitch!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal enzuigiri delivered by Samoa Joe.
When Samoa Joe sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a video of his match with Kenta Kobashi. Samoa Joe has not had to pay taxes ever.
Samoa Joe once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Samoa Joe and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Samoa Joe is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Samoa Joe that Ole kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If you look in a mirror and say "Joe" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Samoa Joe without buying a ticket.
The quickest way to a Low-Ki's heart is with Samoa Joe's fist.
When Samoa Joe's **** hits the fan, the fan breaks.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Samoa Joe allows to live.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Samoa Joe could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Samoa Joe can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Samoa Joe's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Samoa Joe has been there, in which case the grass is probrably soaked with blood and tears.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Samoa Joe punched himself in the face.
Samoa Joe invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Colt Cabana invented pink.
The last man who made eye contact with Samoa Joe was Ray Charles.
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Samoa Joe.
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Samoa Joe.
When creating the alphabet, Samoa Joe placed the letters J, O, and E in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
Samoa Joe coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Samoa Joe was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Samoa Joe was walking at the time.
Samoa Joe puts the laughter in manslaughter.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Samoa Joe is going to walk.
Samoa Joe does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Samoa Joe goes killing.
Samoa Joe does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Samoa Joe is pain.
If you see Samoa Joe, he can see you. If you can't see Samoa Joe, you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Samoa Joe.
A blind man once stepped on Samoa Joe's shoe. Joe replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Samoa Joe, bitch!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal enzuigiri delivered by Samoa Joe.
When Samoa Joe sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a video of his match with Kenta Kobashi. Samoa Joe has not had to pay taxes ever.
Samoa Joe once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Samoa Joe and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Samoa Joe is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Samoa Joe that Ole kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If you look in a mirror and say "Joe" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Samoa Joe without buying a ticket.
The quickest way to a Low-Ki's heart is with Samoa Joe's fist.
When Samoa Joe's **** hits the fan, the fan breaks.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Samoa Joe allows to live.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Samoa Joe could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Samoa Joe can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Samoa Joe's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Samoa Joe has been there, in which case the grass is probrably soaked with blood and tears.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Samoa Joe punched himself in the face.
Samoa Joe invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Colt Cabana invented pink.
The last man who made eye contact with Samoa Joe was Ray Charles.
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Samoa Joe.
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Samoa Joe.
When creating the alphabet, Samoa Joe placed the letters J, O, and E in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
Samoa Joe coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Samoa Joe was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Samoa Joe was walking at the time.
Samoa Joe puts the laughter in manslaughter.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Samoa Joe is going to walk.
Samoa Joe does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Samoa Joe goes killing.
Now, I must insist: if you have your own, about any wrestler, SHARE AWAY.