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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:24:58 GMT -5
I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that crap is under control... If the tartar gets out of line, I'm like hey tartar you know the deal, fall in you crazy ass tartar... I've got so much tartar I don't have to dip my fish sticks in crap... ...thats actually kinda gross. After that joke I always clarify that I was just joking. I don't know how much tartar I actually have. I would assume it's the average amount. If we all did a tartar test right now, my name would be right in the f***ing middle.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:28:08 GMT -5
"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:29:10 GMT -5
There's a fishing show on T.V., they catch the fish and they let it go. They don't want to keep it, but they do want to make it late for something.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:29:34 GMT -5
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
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DramaGuyCJM
Dennis Stamp
Resident Broadway/theatre mark and CHIKARA mark, local PA branch
Posts: 4,223
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Post by DramaGuyCJM on Nov 6, 2007 22:31:03 GMT -5
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be f***ed up.
I hate it when people do this. "Hey Mitch, you know what I like? Potatoes." Whoa, man! If you're gonna give me a quiz, you have to wait for me to answers first.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:32:47 GMT -5
I love vending machines. Like when you reach in to get your candy, and that flap blocks you from reaching the rest of the candy. Before that flap, it was hard times for vending machine owners... Which one do you want? That one. And everyone on the bottom row....
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:33:02 GMT -5
I had a velco wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:34:34 GMT -5
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines.
It'd have to be really f***ing big.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:35:49 GMT -5
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:38:47 GMT -5
Hey, check this joke out... If you want to talk to me after the show, I'll be...
...f***ing surprised.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:40:07 GMT -5
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:41:31 GMT -5
If you're ever lost in the woods... f*** it, build a house.
Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament.
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DramaGuyCJM
Dennis Stamp
Resident Broadway/theatre mark and CHIKARA mark, local PA branch
Posts: 4,223
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Post by DramaGuyCJM on Nov 6, 2007 22:42:57 GMT -5
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can be mad at someone for having. "Dammit, Otto, you're an alcoholic!" "Dammit, Otto, you've got lupus!" One of those two just doesn't sound right.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:48:56 GMT -5
I've got a king sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one showed up at my house, I think I could accomodate him. You won't believe what I have in store for you... I think you will find it's to your exact specifications... I didn't know you were all the same size.
I think I can set your lady up too.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:49:55 GMT -5
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that day...
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:52:42 GMT -5
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 22:56:14 GMT -5
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for... That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 22:57:43 GMT -5
I wanna get a job naming Kitchen appliances... That seems easy. Toaster, blender, refrigerator...
You just say what the thing does, and add -er.
The Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute.
What does this thing do? It keeps shit fresh...
Well, that's a Fresher. I'm going on break.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 23:06:09 GMT -5
A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 23:07:32 GMT -5
Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper. But it's a bullshit replica, because the dude didn't even get his degree.
Why'd you have to drop out and start making pop so soon?
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