MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 20:47:30 GMT -5
My favorite comic needed his own thread.
"I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."."
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 20:50:50 GMT -5
Why do they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob? That's how it comes out of the ground man, that's just corn. They should call all other corn corn off the cob. It's like if you cut my arm off and called it Mitch... Then reattached it and called it Mitch all together.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 20:52:19 GMT -5
I have a new CD; it's in stores, and when you have a CD in stores, you have to do in-store appearances, and if nobody shows up, I just pretend like I'm shopping. That's how I shop; I sit behind a table with a pen.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 20:53:54 GMT -5
Well this CD will be in stores... The only way I could get my old CD in stores, was to take one in and leave it there.... "Uh, sir you dropped this." No that is for sale, please alphabetize it.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 20:55:49 GMT -5
I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f***er gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f***er gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"
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Post by willywonka666 on Nov 6, 2007 20:57:23 GMT -5
Brilliant mind, and I love his delivery
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 21:00:07 GMT -5
I can't tell you what hotel I am staying at, but there are two trees involved. They said let's name the hotel something tree. So they had a meeting, it was quite short. How about tree? No. Doubletree? Hell yeah, meeting adjourned. Damn, I had my heart set on Quadrupletree. We were almost there.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:03:28 GMT -5
Hey y'now what keeps me from acting? f***ing auditions.
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Post by "American Cream" Dusty Loads on Nov 6, 2007 21:03:46 GMT -5
"I was in a movie with Peter Frampton. We had to smoke pot for a scene, but it was movie pot. Smoking fake pot with Peter Frampton is like smoking real pot with a dude who looks like Peter Frampton.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:05:50 GMT -5
You can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 21:07:52 GMT -5
I like to wear a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck so little kids can't tell me knock knock jokes. It's like hey how you doin' nephew? Knock knock... Read the sign punk!
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:09:33 GMT -5
If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 21:11:23 GMT -5
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but there's got to be more to it than that.
You want some more homemade Sprite? Not 'till you figure out what the f*** else is in it...
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:12:32 GMT -5
I remixed a remix -- it was back to normal...
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W?Y
Hank Scorpio
Old FAN, no tricks.
Posts: 5,532
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Post by W?Y on Nov 6, 2007 21:14:31 GMT -5
Hey Mitch, doesn't drinking red wine give you a headache?
Yeah, eventually....but the beginning and middle part are amazing. I'm not gonna stop doing something because of what happens at the end.
"Hey Mitch, would you like an apple?"
Nah, I'll betcha it'll be a core!
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 21:14:41 GMT -5
I like refried beans, thats why I want to try fried beans... Maybe they're just as good, and we're wasting time.
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:15:17 GMT -5
I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, cuz ducks ain't supposed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," well she did. They said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." They said, "All right, well, that is free." See, I did not know that: Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Lemme have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
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Rube
Hank Scorpio
Sammich Bogart
It's always the same and it's always different.
Posts: 5,619
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Post by Rube on Nov 6, 2007 21:18:35 GMT -5
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*** did you get that banana?
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MCMGM
Vegeta
WC's Official Jeff Buckley Stalkeress.
Red Sonic My Ass
Posts: 9,184
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Post by MCMGM on Nov 6, 2007 21:18:57 GMT -5
I especially hate turtlenecks. I wear a turtleneck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy... all f***in' day. If you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
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Post by humanoid on Nov 6, 2007 21:20:40 GMT -5
I love sandwiches, but I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much f***in' meat on the sandwich... It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. What would you like sir? A pastrami sandwich. Anything else? Yeah, a loaf of bread and some more people?
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