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Post by fuzzywarble, squat cobbler on Jun 8, 2006 11:05:07 GMT -5
Basically the entire episode where Homer goes on disability is quotable hilarity. "Can't you let me have any dignity?! I just came to see 'Honk if You're Horny' in peace!" -Kelly "Hey fatty, what are you going to see- 'A Fridge Too Far'?"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2006 11:10:50 GMT -5
*Bart reading Skinner and Homer's minds*
Skinner: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: if I found out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.
Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow.
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Chainsaw
T
A very BAD man.
It is what it is
Posts: 90,480
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Post by Chainsaw on Jun 8, 2006 11:17:00 GMT -5
Marge: "Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you" Homer-"Batman?" Marge-"No, it's a scientist." Homer-"Batman's a scientist." Marge-"It's NOT Batman!"
From "Marge Vs. The Monorail".
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Chainsaw
T
A very BAD man.
It is what it is
Posts: 90,480
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Post by Chainsaw on Jun 8, 2006 11:20:27 GMT -5
Homer-"I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."'
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Triple Kelly
Vegeta
Not once, twice, but three times a Kelly
Posts: 9,470
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Post by Triple Kelly on Jun 8, 2006 12:34:37 GMT -5
Homer: *describing his alien encounter* They laid me on this cold table and probed me with humiliating objects and....oh wait, that was my physical.
-Kelly
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Post by Doctor Tull-eus S. Venture on Jun 8, 2006 12:36:32 GMT -5
Homer: Hey! I used to work in a science factory!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2006 12:47:39 GMT -5
Homer: *describing his alien encounter* They laid me on this cold table and probed me with humiliating objects and....oh wait, that was my physical. -Kelly That reminds me of some of my favorite lines from another episode. The one where Homer thinks Mr. Burns is an alien due to his medical treatments. Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night... like Urkel! Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean, uh, Simpson. So, I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter! Homer: You don't have to humiliate me. Man: I just torched a building downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again! Wiggum: Oh, yeah, right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter! Mr. Burns: I bring you love Lenny: He's bringing love... kill him!
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Post by Shy Guy on Jun 8, 2006 12:55:40 GMT -5
DON'T YOU HATE PANTS?!
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Post by Wizard on Jun 8, 2006 13:06:25 GMT -5
Good meat, good curry, Good Gandhi, let's hurry! (Apu saying grace)
Lisa: (on bullfighting) It's a cruel, pseudo-sport! Homer:You heard the girl. It's a cool super-sport!
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Albino Heat
Don Corleone
You're a nasty bastard, and your momma said so!!
Posts: 2,095
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Post by Albino Heat on Jun 8, 2006 13:06:44 GMT -5
I'm torn between 2:
There's Grandpa:
"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say. "Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
or Ralph: "It tastes like burning!!"
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Post by maxx420 on Jun 8, 2006 13:07:59 GMT -5
NASA man: Maybe we should tell them the secret; that all the apes we sent into space came back super-intelligent.
*A chair spins 'round. In it is sitting suit-clad, pipe-smoking chimp*
Chimp: (in a very sophisticated voice) No, I don't think we'll be telling them that!
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Post by Doctor Tull-eus S. Venture on Jun 8, 2006 13:08:22 GMT -5
(from the episode with Bart and the bordello)
Homer answers the door, with the grocery bag around his waist:
Belle: "Mr. Simpson, are you wearing a GROCERY BAG?"
Homer: "Madam, I have misplaced my pants!"
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nisi
Vegeta
Da Bears
Posts: 9,868
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Post by nisi on Jun 8, 2006 13:37:34 GMT -5
I don't think we've seen two of my favorites yet, I use these when I sign people's guestbooks:
Ralph Wiggum, randomly: "My cat's breath smells like cat food."
Chief Wiggum, with tranquilised black bear: "Book him, Lou. On one count...of bein' a bear."
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Post by fuzzywarble, squat cobbler on Jun 8, 2006 13:45:06 GMT -5
Perhaps my favorite quote ever:
Homer: "The al_ighty _ollar... *a few seconds later, in confusion*...oh, I get it... *laughter*"
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Post by Doctor Tull-eus S. Venture on Jun 8, 2006 13:48:55 GMT -5
Homer: Awwwwwww, 20 Dollars? But I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: $20 dollars can buy many peanuts
Homer: Explain How
Homer's Brain: Money can be used to buy goods and services
Homer: WOOHOO!!!
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smgalia
Bubba Ho-Tep
I Don't Want A Large Farva
Posts: 507
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Post by smgalia on Jun 8, 2006 14:50:24 GMT -5
Bart: These uniforms suck Marge: Bart, where'd you hear language like that?!? Homer on the phone: Yeah Moe that team really sucked today, they just plain sucked! Now I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked." Marge: Homer! Homer: I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening
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Post by The Big J-Sizzle on Jun 8, 2006 14:54:54 GMT -5
Homer: A whole weekend of just father and son. See you at dinner.
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jun 8, 2006 15:01:59 GMT -5
Announcer: It's eleven o'clock. Do you know where your children are? Homer: I told you last night, no! Where is Bart anyway? His dinner is getting all cold and eaten. [picks at Bart's dinner]
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Post by maxx420 on Jun 8, 2006 15:04:14 GMT -5
The whole scene from the "British Sitcom" entitled "Do Shut Up" is excellent.
"Merry sodding X-Mas, Major." "Crikey, me noggin!" "Not in my parlour, you dopes!" "Blimey! I'm scalded, I am!" & so on.
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Post by MOH [Still ''Le Sighing''] on Jun 8, 2006 16:05:54 GMT -5
Chief Wiggum- ''I've got a question for you...SHUT UP!''
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